Brij’s Story: Learning to STAY
I Should have been a statistic.
I grew up in a situation where fight-or-flight was a nervous system baseline. I am a highly sensitive human who survived a very loud environment with minimal coping skills. I fumbled into the world on my own at eighteen years old.
Through mimicking the outward life-management behaviors of those around me, I faked it. I was a pretender and a self-medicator, as the loudness of my upbringing never turned off. All I cared about was turning down the volume as much as possible - the noise was so heavy. I had little support, no direction or goals, no purpose, and no resources.
After a few failed attempts, with the help of some force greater than myself and a community of strangers, I received help and was able to step into a commitment to remove the substances that were killing me, from my life. I surrendered a battle I could not win and committed myself to a journey of sobriety. I will forever be grateful for the guidance, support, and selflessness of people in a program of recovery who raised me and showed me another way to live.
It wasn't long before I craved something deeper and more spiritually grounding to help me navigate the arduous task of (OH MY GOD) feeling my feelings. Sobriety had quieted the noise enough for me to trust my devotion to commitments, but I needed something to help me STAY connected to the healing process.
That’s when The Yoga happened.
I had previous encounters with asana. They were few and fleeting, but I enjoyed my experiences enough that, when I began craving movement that would help release the feeling of wanting to UNZIP from my own body I felt the pull to return and try again.
I did a real hard thing. I showed up alone, as-is, to a yoga studio and allowed myself to be REAL humbled. I don’tlike feeling awkward, and I would much rather be perfect than fumbling, but by some grace, I showed up desperate and willing to learn.
I began a practice while living in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I practiced through ego-fueled injury, panic-attack exhaustion, heartbreak, hope, and the slow but steady process of putting a REAL life together for myself. During the day, life was SO LOUD and uncomfortable that I began craving the reprieve of evenings on my mat.
Over the years since, asana practice was a gateway to some yogic philosophy. Yogic philosophy felt like a really good way to show up to my life.
Yoga since has traveled with me through time, through moves across the country, and through seasons of recovery. I cried like a sad kid, for months, in the dimly lit studio where I attended a weekly Yin class. I poured sweat and did honest work in hot rooms. Every hold past the point of I CAN’T, every deepening, every breath…brought things to the surface that scared me but, I trusted that I was ready for.
What I've also come to realize is that yoga has given me another lifeline—a non-negotiable “third thing” that I cannot thrive without.
So much of my suffering had grown in isolation. Addiction, fear, and shame—these things STRIVE to push a wounded person into solitude. Solitude is where my hopes and dreams go to die.
Yoga gives me COMMUNITY— a reason to show up - a purpose, a place to be of service, a sense of belonging, and a connection to a power greater than myself.
Connection is medicine. After years of running - connection makes me STAY.
I am now almost nine years into my recovery journey. Yoga and it’s communities have continued to be my teacher and guide. Yoga did not fix my life. Yoga opened a door to a new beginning. Showing up to yoga helped me believe I could become strong enough to build the life I wanted.
Yoga gives me a place to be confident and imperfect and human—a home where I can be as curious as possible, feel my feelings and LET THEM GO, and soften my outdated, limiting beliefs. It has shown me both light and darkness, and the softness required to navigate between them.
Through yoga, I found both a path inward and a bridge outward. Again and again, I have been reminded that I can’t and don’t want to heal alone. My healing happens when I allow myself to be seen, challenged, and supported...
Because TRUST, some days I STILL want to UNZIP out of my body and RUN.
Today, some of the greatest joy in my life comes from this practice—not because it has made life easy, but because it has helped me stay present for it. Yoga brings me the discipline and lessons I require to continue growing into the person I want to be, and the COMMUNITY I have found within it reminds me that we are all doing this together.
I never have to go it alone again.
About Yoga Pod Tucson
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