The Story I Was Ashamed to Tell: 🎭 Living with Mental Illness, Battling Behind the Smile, and Choosing Courage Over Silence
For anyone who’s ever said “I’m fine” when they weren’t: this is for you.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and this year, I feel called to share a story I once kept hidden, and have only recently started speaking about more openly. My hope is that by opening up, someone else might feel a little less alone.
✨ High Achievement, Hidden Struggles
Long before I was a studio owner or a business executive, I was trying to be the perfect super-mom.
I poured everything into my family. I'm a proud mom of two amazing young women (and now have five grandchildren, with another on the way), and I share this life with my amazing hubs, Brian. From the outside, I made it look effortless: perfectly dressed girls with impeccable manners, volleyball games, band concerts, dance performances, after-school chaos, weekend adventures, family vacations…you name it…all managed.
At the same time, I was also building a career. Before opening Yoga Pod Tucson, I spent 30 years in enterprise software and private equity, industries where long hours, constant pressure, and polished professionalism were rewarded. I worked hard. I pushed harder. I climbed fast.
From the outside, it looked like I was thriving. But inside, I was navigating something far more complicated. Behind the steady leadership, ambitious goals, and mom-who-does-it-all persona was someone quietly battling anxiety, clinical depression, ADHD, and something I denied for years: bipolar disorder.
I wore the smiles. I delivered the results. I showed up with the “I’ve got it all together” energy everyone expected. But what no one could see was the gnawing fear that I’d drop one of the balls I was juggling and be exposed as an imposter. I was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted, but still running at a ridiculous pace.
In 2009, everything came to a halt. I landed in the ICU for several weeks, facing a health crisis that forced me to stop. And I mean FULL STOP. 🛑
🧘♀️ Yoga and the Moment Everything Changed
Once I was home from the ICU and on the long road to recovery, my family insisted something had to change.
My daughters not-so-gently nudged me to join them for a hot yoga class. At first, it was just about moving my body again. Stretching. Sweating. Surviving class without passing out (seriously). But from that very first 90-minute, carpeted, mat-to-mat, odiferous class, something unexpected happened.
My monkey mind (usually racing with to-do lists, deadlines, and expectations) finally slowed down. And for the first time in what felt like forever, I didn’t feel like I was failing at something.
Yoga didn’t fix me because I wasn’t broken. It gave me the tools I didn’t know I was missing:
🌀 To recognize when my mind was spinning
🧘♀️ To listen to the signals my body was sending
💡 To understand that success and personal needs are compatible, not contradictory
✈️ Exploring the World, Curating a New Vision (hint: 🧘♀️)
Before my illness, I traveled a lot for my career. I knew the drill: long days, big meetings, hotel rooms, repeat. But this time, instead of heading back to my room after work, I started seeking out local yoga studios. It became my way of recharging.
And because I’m still very much me, I started making mental notes. In every city, I paid attention to what felt right…and what didn’t:
What felt warm and welcoming, instead of intimidating?
What made me feel seen in a room full of strangers versus what made me feel self-conscious about doing a pose "incorrectly"?
What made me feel like I belonged, not like I had to “fit in”?
As I collected these mental notes, an unexpected vision began to form in my mind. What if I open a yoga studio? Not just a yoga studio: a space where people could come exactly as they are, and know, immediately and unmistakably, that they belong.
A space that said: You. Belong. Here.
Yoga Pod Tucson was born from that vision. 🧿
💬 Finding the Courage to Share
And yet, publicly sharing my own struggles felt terrifying. I carried so much shame around my mental health, believing that if people knew, they would see me as weak or less than.
But what I know now is this: we are all carrying invisible battles. And the more we share, the less heavy they become.
For me there isn't a cure, and managing my mental health is a part of my daily rhythm. It’s not a box I check off. It’s not something I’ve “overcome.” It’s something I live with and navigate every single day.
❤️ The Power of a Support System
Brian has walked beside me through every version of this story. He doesn’t just love me through it. He learns with me. He reads books, has hard conversations, notices the signs when I am slipping, and is my constant advocate.
If you’re navigating any of this, my best advice is simple:
Find your people
The ones who see you
The ones who listen without trying to "fix" you
The ones who remind you that you’re lovable…even on the days you don’t feel like it
💡 Recognizing the Signs
Mental health isn’t one-size-fits-all. It shows up differently in everyone, and for many of us, it doesn’t just show up once and it shows up unexpectedly.
When things start to feel off, I ask myself: Is this just a tough day or is it a pattern that needs my attention? My signs:
Depression feels like a fog that dulls everything: my energy, my motivation, even my joy.
Anxiety shows up as racing thoughts, over-preparation, perfectionism, total overwhelm, and irritability.
ADHD feels like mental static that makes even simple tasks feel overwhelming, makes entire conversations and events vanish, and causes loud noises or sudden movements to be extraordinarily destabilizing. My form of ADHD, referred to as Inattentive Presentation, isn’t the typical hyper-focused kind; it’s the quiet kind that hides behind overachievement and exhaustion. It is often overlooked or misdiagnosed in high-achieving women who are praised for keeping it all together while falling apart inside.
Bipolar Disorder brings cycles of over-functioning and hyper-productivity, followed by crashes so deep that even getting out of bed feels impossible.
Everyone’s experience is different. But here’s what I know about mine: I manage it with the help of a few non-negotiables:
🤍 A strong support system
🧘♀️ Daily movement (hot yoga is still my fave)
💊 Medication and regular check-ins with my care team
🤫 Quiet time to recharge…alone, and without guilt
📚 Resources
If you see yourself in my story, are supporting someone who lives with mental illness, or simply want to learn more, here are some resources for you:
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) → Clear, clinical overviews and symptom checklists
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) → Real-life stories, support groups, toolkits
CHADD → Practical tools, education, and advocacy for adults and families navigating ADHD
NOTE: THESE AREN’T A SUBSTITUTE FOR MEDICAL CARE. THEY’RE JUST A START FOR UNDERSTANDING, LEARNING, AND FEELING LESS ALONE.
🧿 You. Belong. Here.
If you’ve been holding your breath trying to keep it all together, we see you. If you’ve been quietly carrying something heavy, you’re not alone. If you’re looking for a place to breathe again, to move your body, quiet your mind, and reconnect with yourself, we’d love to welcome you to our community.
Thank you for reminding me, over and over again, that being real is never the wrong choice.
💙 Lisa